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5.17.2016

This One Will Do



It's pretty sad that that picture is the most recent photo of us together. It's like 4-5 months old.
It's sad because this post is supposed to be mainly about us.

Now, don't worry, this may turn into a 'brag post' but I promise it isn't intended to be a secret revealing, way too open and honest one. Just a quick appreciation and reflection post. At least that's my goal, anyway.

I met Josh while working as a server at Ruby Tuesday. I was closing that night and had been there for a good 5 hours already. He came in with his then roommate for a drink at the bar. Long story short, we had a mutual friend in the bartender also working that night that all but set us up, at least to the point of him offering to take me to see a movie and giving me his number. The bartender talked him up to me in the kitchen and talked me up to Josh at the bar the entire rest of the night. 4 days later, I finally text him back and after my shift, he picked me up in his beat up Malibu, after handing me a dozen freaking red roses at the door, and took me to see Iron Man 3.

I could go into more detail about my current state of mind, my past relationship failures and the fact that this date was the FIRST legit date I had ever been on (you know, where the guy picks you up, gives you flowers and pays for everything), but I don't want to drag this out and again, I'm trying to reflect but also focus on us now.

We had only been an official item for 3 months when I discovered I was pregnant with Jaxon.
This was not how I intended my life to go, I'll just put it that way.

I tried breaking up with him immediately. I told him I didn't want to be his "ball and chain" and force him to stick around with someone just because he knocked her up. He got mad, drove off and I cried. An hour later, I heard a knock at my door. Standing in the doorway, tear stained eyes and shaking hands, was Josh. He scooped me up, took me outside and told me there was no way I was getting rid of him. Thank God he was right.

I've seen pregnancy and babies destroy shaky relationships. I've seen hollow marriages and unsatisfied people because of pressure to "stay together for the kids". I've seen them ultimately implode and drag those poor children through all the crap, wondering what they did to cause it, the whole way.  We refused to end up that way. We decided to take everything one day at a time with one common goal and one common anchor- that we both loved and wanted the best for this baby, whether we ended up together "forever" or not.

Somehow, by some miracle or two, despite many hard times, arguments, break downs, terrifying anxiety attacks combined with unfamiliar hormone fluctuations and all the other side effects of pregnancy.....

we made it.

We're still going strong. We're still besties. We're still (somewhat) sane.
Not saying life is perfect or without its struggles, by any means. Every aspect of life changes when you reproduce. Every. Single. One.

We only had 3 months of "honeymoon" bliss before our worlds rocked and collided in the most traumatizing and brutal way possible. We only have a 3 month long point of reference when reflecting on how life used to be before Jaxon.
I've been pregnant most of our now 3 year relationship.

What does that mean? I have no clue.

All I know is despite article after article and study after study about how marriages and relationships are majorly effected by having kids, how the "satisfaction" levels drop a ton and how much the changes and sacrifices strain both mom and dad in different ways, how chances of divorce increase, especially after the kids leave the nest, how miserable it makes the family dynamic when they were "forced" to marry quickly....
We're still coming out on top.





I'm not saying there's been absolutely no strain or change in our relationship. Of course there's plenty to complain and stress about. No one is immune, sorry.
What I'm saying is whatever we are doing (or not doing maybe), is working out for us so far.
He's still here with me. He still tells me he loves me multiple times a day. We're still okay sharing things and living together. We still have the same things in common and don't take ourselves too seriously. We still joke and snuggle up to each other and plan dates. 
Maybe it's our personalities, maybe it's how we were raised.
All I know is we're still growing. Growing individually and growing together.  We learn new things every day about love, life and parenthood.  It's a crazy emotional adventure and I am so glad I'm on it with Josh.

I mean, how anyone could put up with me through two pregnancies, anxiety struggles, super social awkward weirdness, guilt from my childhood and recovery from a past containing self mutilation and attempted suicide.....is a miracle in itself.

He was my one last hope in the dude department and he keeps nailing it. He's loyal, faithful, brutally honest and doesn't take my shit (not all the time ha). He was the first to show me how dating and a healthy relationship could and should be. I never felt like I had to "fix" him or "fight" for him. When he's unhappy, he tells me. When he knows I'm unhappy, he doesn't let me rest until I level with him.

He thinks he's Jesus and watches too much TV at night, but he also helps me with my hair and guides me as best he can through adulthood without making me feel like a complete idiot (most of the time, anyway).

I mean, I'm loyal, honest, weird and way less psycho than his past exes, plus I have a cute butt, good metabolism and I have been domesticated just enough to help our household function...
so I'm not the only "blessed" one here ;)

Bottom line is I'm happy with what we have and where we're going and since it hasn't changed since day one, I'm hoping it doesn't ever have to. We made it through (almost) two pregnancies and several moves and job changes, so I certainly hope it has no reason not to continue.

I mean, I still don't have a ring....

But I know it's coming, so I'll survive for now.
This guy will do.


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