Two Years Going On...

No, that isn't a picture of the new baby. Roran, thankfully, has a couple months to go yet.
Nope, that's Jaxon when he was less than 2 months old.
He was so photogenic. Though I'm sure most newborns are.

I haven't looked through his baby photos in a very long time, but since he'll officially be TWO years old tomorrow, I figured it's time to yank on my already fragile heartstrings and reflect on two of the craziest, hardest, most amazing years of my life.

On May 3rd, 2014, I got off work at about 9pm after working a double, something I hadn't done in months because, well, pregnancy. It wasn't a planned thing, I offered to fill in for someone since I was already there and knew they needed my help because it was a Saturday night. I served over lunch but stayed to host for dinner. I figured I'd pull up a chair and run the computer while the other host walked guests to their tables. I had 5 weeks left to go so I figured, no big deal, right?

Well, long story short... a few short hours later [meaning literally like 3], just after midnight on May 4th, Jaxon Cain Markle made his official debut.

This little man has completely captured my heart in a way I never believed possible. Every thing he does teaches me something new. Every day I wish he'd pause the growing but also can't wait to see what he accomplishes next. It's already all gone so freaking fast I just can't believe it.

We're still working on the potty training. He's got the motions and concept down, we're just waiting for him to decide to actually put that knowledge to use. As much as I'd prefer he be out of diapers by the time we're buying diapers for this baby, I know it'll click when he's ready and he'll show off to me like he has with everything else I worried about, like walking, talking and sleeping through the night.
Just a couple days ago, we got him his very own toddler bed. He was so excited when it was finally together and he started helping us transfer all his stuffed animals from his crib to his bed. That first night was magical. He was pooped from the long day he had and couldn't wait to snuggle up on his new mattress. He slept through the entire night without a peep or a wander. That next day, he napped perfectly too. He crawled up himself and stayed there for a solid 2 hours. Like I said before, 
he likes to show off sometimes.

Too bad he's since realized he can get on and off his bed whenever he wants and until we finally get around to getting guards for the doorknobs, he's been struggling a bit since that first night. He woke up early yesterday morning and we found him in the living room asleep on the couch. He also woke up in the middle of the night last night and wandered half asleep around the house until Josh put him back to bed. Naps are the hardest part. It's harder for him to settle because he knows and can tell it's still daytime and he now has the freedom to escape whenever he wants instead of being forced by a crib to relax and rest.

I knew this would be a transition and I hope it settles out by the time we're up all through the night for another reason. Fingers crossed.

Back to reminiscing, we couldn't have asked for a better first birthday for him, a year ago. We took him hiking and to a creek and let him sit in the water and splash and he absolutely loved it. Then a few days later we were blessed with the most gorgeous day to throw his birthday party outside in the perfect location.

This year, I have to work on his birthday and I have no idea if the weather will be nice or not for his party because of this bipolar spring we've been having. Luckily I know he'll have a good time anyway because he always makes the most of every situation like he has since he was born. We took him everywhere with us from the time he was a month old, from hiking to fireworks to the beach and even on a road trip to Florida and he always just rolled with it and has had the most chill and bubbly personality, for a baby/toddler. He of course has moments where he's tired and not having it, like any toddler, but he still manages to impress me and everyone we come in contact with.

He may not have all his teeth, still, but he says please, thank you, hello, goodbye, and night night as well as gives hugs to everyone and kisses to his favorite family. He may struggle with coming when he's called but if I ask him to hold my hand or throw something away or wash his hands, he rarely hesitates. He loves washing his hands and brushing his teeth and loves to share his food with others.
The only thing he's possessive of is his blanky. And we all know we all that a blanky like that.

I literally love every little thing about him and would honestly probably kill for him. He's compassionate, gentle, adventurous, fearless, sensitive and incredibly thoughtful. He laughs at the most trivial things I do like it's the funniest thing he's seen in his entire life. He isn't a snuggler or a co-sleeper, but when he does want to snuggle or give me a random hug and kiss, I take it for all it's worth and cherish every single one for as long as it lasts. He's all boy. All puddle splashing, rock throwing, dirt scraping, bug grabbing, ball throwing and prank pulling boy. I'm not saying girls don't do these things as toddlers, I'm just saying I understand there will come a time when he wants nothing to do with mom so I'm taking everything I can for as long as I can because it's already gone way to fast.

I mean, I teared up when Josh trimmed his hair for the first time because it made him look so much older and my first thought was soon he'll be getting his license and driving off to college and I just wanted to hug him and smother him in my arms forever.
Yeah, I'm gonna be one of those moms.

But can you really blame me? Just look at his face and tell me you could say no to him, ever.

I think it's hitting me harder right now too, because I know this stuff will be the last he'll experience as an only child. This is his last birthday as my only baby. These are the last days of me being entirely his mama. The last days of him being my one and only.

I'm excited for him to be a big brother. I just wish I had more energy and opportunity to really cherish every little moment so I could make it last longer. I've seen how fast things go.

Happy Birthday number 2, baby boy.
You will always be the boy that first stole mommy's heart and gave her reason to never stop fighting and trying. You will always be my hero and champion forever. Though this baby will need you as much as he'll need me, no one will ever be able to take over the permanent spot in my heart that you occupy now and forever. I am beyond proud of the little man you are growing up to be and the ray of sunshine you are on even my darkest days. Thank you for teaching me things I never realized I needed to learn. Thank you for reminding me what is important, keeping me humble, reminding me to not take everything too seriously and for saving me in more ways than one.
I hope you have a perfectly wonderful birthday, even though mommy has to leave for work just as we should be getting started. I hope you never lose your light and I pray the moments we share together don't go by too fast. I love you now and forever, Jaxon Cain.
Mommy has always loved you and will always love you.
Forever and ever.


Rachel Shreve said...

Absolutley beautiful post Em! And Happiest Birthday to Jaxon! <3

Rachel Shreve said...
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